Boom

Shopping For A New Doctor (On Craig's List, Maybe?) With My Quirky Needs List

I'm in the market for a new doctor.

There's nothing wrong with my old doctor, other than the fact that he has reached retirement age and decided to retire.

I don't know why this came as a surprise.

I guess maybe it's because as you are reeling in the annual physicals, it never really registers that your doctor is collecting prostate exams right along with you.

And it's not just doctors. As baby boomers are steadily discovering, people they have been dealing with for much of their adult lives — dentists, car mechanics, barbers, bartenders, corner-store owners — are also calling it a career.

Still, the relationship with your doctor is different. Your doctor knows more stuff about you than you do. Your doctor is a key pit stop between here and eternity.

I have been going to my doctor for a long time. I couldn't tell you how many years although I do know that neither the furniture in his office — or either of us — qualified as antiques when I first started.

If you are a doctor you can not be better at your profession than my doctor, who, because I don't want to embarrass him, we'll call Dr. Henry Maresh of Farmington. He is warm, knowledgeable and thorough. Granted, he can be coldly indifferent to claims about thinning hair, which I suppose coming from his follicle perspective is understandable.

Anyway, having progressed through the stages of grief and come to acceptance, I have started thinking about finding a new doctor. I have no idea how to go about this. Is Craig's List a possibility?

I suppose I should start by writing down what I want in a doctor.

First off, because I am a card carrying hypochondriac, I need someone who doesn't roll his eyes a lot, or charge by the symptom.

I need someone with a good support staff because if I have to deal with medical forms and insurance I might as well just start shopping for an undertaker now.

I need someone who is dry behind the ears but not too dry because I don't want to have to break in another replacement.

I need someone with a good sense of humor, because, well, he will be seeing me naked.

Finally, I should also probably be looking for someone with a full head of hair.

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