Are You Ready For A World Without Toilet Paper?

Jim Shea
Contact ReporterThe Hartford Courant

There are a lot of everyday things destined to disappear in the coming years, like land phones and camera film.

As I was reading a list compiled by the AARP Bulletin, I was trying to figure out which ones I will miss, and not miss, the most.

Toilet paper: Supposedly, toilet paper will be replaced by something called a bidet, which I think is a French word for water pistol. The way a bidet works is you press a button and then a stream of water hoses down your backside. Although it doesn't say, I assume you want to do this before pulling up your pants. Personally, I'd rather continue squeezing the Charmin, particularly in the winter.

Cash: In something like eight years only 10 percent of all legal transactions will be conducted in cash. The key word here is legal. The key worry here is how will this affect the office March Madness pool.

Answering machines: I haven't had an answering machine in years, and when I did rely on an answering machine I never had one that worked right. That said, the answering machine was much more reliable than voicemail when it came to claiming you didn't get a message you didn't want to get.

Phone books: I don't mind a phone book. What I do mind are phone books. I don't know when this started but it seems like someone is tossing a new phone book onto my lawn at least once a month. So, good riddance.

Passwords: Apparently passwords will be replaced by facial recognition software, which will allow you to unlock a device by simply looking at it (and hopefully saying, "You looking at me?") This can't happen fast enough. One face vs. dozens of passwords, most of which you can't remember, is a no brainer.

Snail mail: The real problem with snail mail is not its speed, it's its content. Nothing but trouble comes in the mail. If mail carriers want to protect their jobs they might want to just happen to lose a few bills once in a while?

Hand writing: When I think of all the hours I wasted in school practicing cursive, and now many states are even dropping it as an educational requirement. I predict that once the nuns are done slapping around the bishops, they are going to raise hell about this.

You know what: Aside from the French water pistol, I think I'm ready to move on.

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