"You can put your boots in the oven, but that don't make 'em biscuits!" goes the old Texas saying.
SPEAKING of biscuits, I received an email from Renee Zellweger after I recalled here our wonderful night in Austin a few years ago, and alluded to the current brouhaha over her looks.
Renee is filming "Same Kind of Different As Me" with Greg Kinnear down in Jackson, Mississippi.
Renee: "People are crazy. And thank gawd! ... I am happily unaware of the silliness and my only true concern is checking for the best biscuit in this town, diligently narrowing contenders daily! Ha! Love from this pretty spot on earth. ... The stories are much more interesting than the truth of a nerd girl..."
So that's my friend Renee, the down-to-earth movie star who won the Academy Award for "Cold Mountain."
Incidentally, her co-star Mr. Kinnear was nominated for an Oscar for "As Good As It Gets." (He also appeared in the recent FOX TV series "Rake.")
Bette Midler's "Hulaween" benefit on Halloween night at the Waldorf was a smash hit this year raising more than $2.2 million for the Restoration Project to improve New York.
The highlight came at the end when Earth, Wind and Fire turned people so "on" that the ballroom was full of costumed madness where people danced on and at their tables.
I got an embrace from my pal Tony Danza, who appeared in a suit of shimmering electric lights. (It was very Elvis-like.) This is just a prelude to the "Who's the Boss?" star's Broadway opening in "Honeymoon in Vegas," which starts previews on November 18 at the Nederlander Theatre. Word of mouth is great for this wonderful guy. I say, "Welcome to The Great White Way!"
Bette was in command for this night of nights and she is said to have received $250,000 from the Empire State Building fund via Tony Malkin and his wife, Shelly. Bette named these pro-environmentalists her "green god and goddess" of the evening and had Tony come on stage and sing with her. This guy can really sing. (His father, Peter Malkin, was honored by Landmarks Conservancy back in 2012.)
I FEAR the thought that the fate of nations may depend on something as erratic as an email.
Of one thing we can be sure, nobody reads or sends email carefully. Nobody seems able to concentrate on emails about more than one subject.
I receive emails every day that read, "It was great what you wrote about him." In the hundreds received daily, I frequently can't figure out who the pronouns refer to. So indefinite are emails!
SO happy to have received the card of Lady Gaga kissing Tony Bennett, reading: "We are so proud of our new album 'Cheek To Cheek' that we wanted to share it with you. It was a labor of love to create and we are hoping to put a bit of swing into your day!" (OK -- it was most likely a promotional message sent to many, but I prefer to think it was totally personal.)
I have known and loved Tony since about 1957 when I worked at NBC-TV on one of his summer shows. (Tony recently told Esquire magazine: "I'm 88. I have an awful lot to learn. My dream is to get better!" Now that is inspiring.)
I've yet to meet "The Lady G," but she seems plenty smart and talented.
OK -- anybody out there remember the pop singer Tommy Roe? This Georgia-born native recently received a special certificate in Nashville, which cited that his two massive hits of the early '60s -- "Sheila" and "Dizzy" -- had been played on the airwaves 2 million times each! What does that really mean? If you played the record every hour for 12 years continuously, it would reach 2 million.
Fans might also recall "Hooray for Hazel" and "Sweet Pea." This was pure American bubble gum music, which peaked before the Beatles and the British Invasion, although the Brits brought along some amusingly mindless pop songs, too. I mean, "I Love You, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah" wasn't exactly challenging Bob Dylan.)
Roe was only 14 when he wrote "Sheila." It was originally titled "Frieda," for a girl he had a crush on. I think "Sheila" was a better choice, musically.
(c)2014 TRIBUNE CONTENT AGENCY, LLC.