"RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars" finale

Attention, fans: We have a winner, squirrelfriends, in the happiest hunger games “RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars” has to offer. And, as it turns out, I have opinions.

But first, to the recap!

When last we met, RuPaul was throwing all the rules out the window (or doing exactly what she’d planned to do all along, you be the judge) and making it a final four instead of a final three competition.

I was happy because Juju was spared for another week, though I feared for her long-term chances. Girl just doesn’t have the confidence I like to see in my fabulous queens.

Speaking of confidence, Shannel is totally fine with there being four contestants at the end.

“Well,” Raven says with a wave, “send us home.”

Shannel, sweetie, I love ya. But you ain’t winning by any means short of a crowbar to the knees of all three other queens.

Soon, Ru appears to present the finalists with their challenge, a multi-stop task that requires them to do a standup routine, conduct a group interview and make a public appearance. They need different outfits for all three events, which freaks them out.

Also intimidating are the celebs. The finale guest judges will be Beth Ditto (werk) and Sheri Oteri (?), the “SNL” lady most famous for the cheerleader routine she did with Will Ferrell.

“Sheri Oteri is going to be here. I’m going to shit myself,” Juju says. Oh, sweet Juju. How much did they pay you to say that?

Sheri shows up to help the queens get their standup on point, and Juju actually seems like she might have some ideas. Family humor generally works, Sheri tells Juju, who nods appreciatively.

Something that doesn’t work? Chad Michaels’ tired routine, which involves a string of old, not-that-funny-the-first-time jokes about injecting Botox and opening a store called “Forever 41.”

“Try not to repeat jokes that you might have heard somewhere else,” Sheri says, very politely, I might add, for someone listening to jokes first made by one Jiggly Caliente last season.

Bitch, we all remember that “Forever 41” joke. It was on this freaking show!

Speaking of train wrecks and people trying to convince us we didn’t hear things we definitely heard: Shannel!

Oh, Shannel.

Shannel starts her routine off, and it is trouble from the word “go.”

Shannel is a white man “in a black woman’s body.” Oh, yes, this should be good. How, pray tell, are you like a black woman, Shannel?

“I drink wine! I smoke cigarettes!”