Squirrelfriends, they don't call "RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars" the best show on TV for nothing. Well, I don't call it that for nothing.
It's taken a few episodes to really get rolling, but now we're down to the wire and this week, things got thrilling.
When last we met, the queens were forming girl groups, with Alexis Mateo and Yara Sofia being sent to sashay away.
Back in the workroom, the final four chew over the previous episode and all decide that no one is safe. Soon, Ru enters to give the girls their mini-challenge, a basketball game of Skirts vs. Skins. There are some unhappy drag queens up in this mug.
"This is like my worst nightmare," says Chad Michaels with a groan. "Sports and day drag. What a treat!"
As they get ready, some of the most fuglious drag ever put together begins to take shape in the "Drag Race" workroom. And the ladies are not totally unaware of this.
"We all combined could not look any more disgusting. I feel like Peg Bundy on steroids," Shannel says, being perhaps even a bit overly generous about her own look.
Raven looks uncannily like Kris Jenner on testosterone but plays basketball with surprising ability. Between her and Jujubee, they manage to win the challenge.
"Take your victory lap, you f*cking whores!" Chad says, with more graciousness than you might imagine.
As the winners strut their stuff, Ru fills them in on their main challenge, which will be to create drag superfoes. One in each pair will be a superhero and the other a supervillain. The winners will make it into their own comic book.
As they get down to brass tacks, the queens' personalities shine through as they plot their hero/villain backstories.
Chad suggests something about fire pussies and vagina rejuvenations and it's all very horrible.
"Really?" Shannel asks in her best "perhaps you'd like to rethink that one, tragic Tammy" voice. She counters with a tale of exotic black diamond thievery.
No, Chad decides. It would be much better to have Shannel's boobs shoot magical fire extinguisher that renders Chad's superhero helpless.
She starts to plot the red pubic hair she'll have sticking out of the crotch of her costume.
Oh, Chad. Explain it to Ru, please.
"I'm from Little Twat, Arkansas," Chad says of her character.
"Oh, that's such a sweet town!" Ru exclaims a bit uncertainly.
"They run things real tight over there. They run a tight ship," Chad replies.
Ru pauses, takes a breath and gently suggests they tone things down. Like, tone them all the way down. To the freaking ground. You wierdos.
As Shad frantically de-pornos their plot, Rujubee get to telling Ru their plan.