I’ve been on this kick where I write movie reviews in the form of a song. Here’s one to the tune of 9 to 5 in honor of the Dolly Parton that used to do interesting blue grass tunes and a few decent movies.
Openin’ my red vines/walkin’ to the theatre/Pour a Cherry Coke/it’s much sweeter
Drinkin’, eatin’, trying to stay occupied
The credits of the movie started rollin’/Kristoffersons bad heart/he’s on the floor rollin’
And folks like me are wondering if he’s alive.
Watching Joyful Noise/What a way to make a livin’
It’s barely written/It’s all singin’ and no actin’
They didn’t use their minds/I should’ve left during the credits
It’s enough to drive you/Crazy if you let it!
Joyful Noise/Todd Graff needs a demotion
You would think that I/Would’ve learned from the commotion
Of the horrible trailers/But the boss won’t seem to let me
Review good movies/that man is out to get me….
Okay, that was fun.
Now, to be a little more informative…Queen Latifah plays Vi Rose (no, that’s not the name of Beyonce’s baby). She was just named choir director after Bernard Sparrow (Kris Kristofferson) dies. G.G. Sparrow (Dolly Parton) thinks since she wrote the songs with “Bernie” she should inherit the position.
The pastor (Courtney B. Vance) is the bad guy, threatening to shut down the choir simply because they don’t win in the big “Joyful Noise” competition.
The town is also being hit hard from the economy. Stores are closing, people are depressed, and for some reason – this competition is all they have to hang their hopes on.
The rebellious teenage grandson of Sparrow flies into town. Not sure how much of a rebel he is. He goes to church, sings, and teaches disabled kids how to play piano. Oh, and that disabled kid has a movie disability. He has Asperger’s and is different, but is able to make the audience laugh by referencing “one hit wonders.” And he’s able to emotionally express how bothered he is by being different.
I even had a problem with the songs. Most of them have you tappin’ your toes, I’ll admit that. It’s a splendid version of Man in the Mirror; but on a weekend when a Roman Polanski movie opened, I’m wondering why we celebrate Michael Jackson these days. Didn’t he die of a drug overdose? Didn’t he have a lot of accusations regarding children? At the very least, we know he had inappropriate relationships with kids.
I also didn’t think the Parton songs fit in with the rest of the music.
And why did the lip synching look so bad when they performed the songs?
Oh, and don’t get me started on all the goofy southern phrases they were spouting.
“It’s like tryin’ to sneak sunrise past a rooster.”
“There’s always free cheese in the mousetrap, but the mice ain’t happy!”
It doesn’t even make sense when Vi Rose says that.
There are two sets of people that will like this film. The ones that saw the awful trailer and thought it look good, and Tyler Perry.
It gets 1 star out of 5 for the good songs (which also include snippets of Boz Scaggs and Little Feat).