Ah, hometowns. When things finally get real.

How else could Desiree discover, for example, that a man who says his occupation is “drilling fluid engineer” actually drives a snow cone truck for a living?

That’s right. Zak, 31, doles out icy treats on the daily back in Texas. Or maybe he doesn’t. He called the truck his “family business,” but seemed to know how to operate the whole thing pretty intricately. He also had no hesitation about putting on a penguin suit to persuade local kiddies to buy snow cones.

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It’s not good when your potential husband looks cuter in a fuzzy, aquatic bird suit than out of it.

Listen, I actually feel kind of bad harshing on Zak because he seems like a genuinely kind-hearted person. Just one I find no physical attraction to what.so.ever.

It seemed even Zak’s family was surprised that he’d made it this far in the competition. When he told them that he’d shown up shirtless on the first night, his brother, Jeff, simply shook his head in disgust.

“So you were that guy, huh?” Jeff said.

Anyway, things at home went pretty well. Zak’s mom, Maryann, was particularly sweet. And then they broke out in song. Yep, the entire crew penned a little ditty for Des, replete with the lyrics: “You light the fire inside his eyes / You’ve given hope that love survives.” Glad to see they took a cue from Chris on the rhyming front.

Usually just the dude competing on “The Bachelorette” is looking for a record deal. Now his whole family is in on the gig too?

Shockingly, Des somehow found the act impressive and started tearing up. I guess she could also have just been envisioning her future with the Von Trapps and wasn’t able to hold back the tears. Either one.

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As she ran screaming for the door, Zak stopped her and said he had something for her. Oooh! Was it a framed illustration, ripped from the pages of his sketchbook? Sheet music to his family’s song? A matching penguin suit of her own?

No: A RING. That’s right, Zak went rogue. Who needs your free $150,000 sparkler, Neil Lane? Zak bought his own ring for Des in Atlantic City! Home to some of the finest diamonds in the country!

He didn’t propose per-se, but told Des he loved her and to “hang onto” the ring.

With that, she was off to Arizona to visit Drew.

Things got off to a much more serious start there, as Drew introduced Des to Melissa, who he described as “severely mentally handicapped.”

Though Melissa was unable to communicate verbally with Des, their meeting went well, and she handled the situation delicately. Des’ sweet demeanor with Melissa, Drew would tell his mother at their house, was part of why he’d started to feel like she was his soul mate.

While all of this was genuinely touching, I couldn’t stop thinking about the season promo we saw a few weeks back when Drew seemingly up and leaves Des. I have a bad feeling he may end up being about as real as Zak’s diamond ring.

Meanwhile, Drew’s dad, Malachi, was extremely enthusiastic about the prospect of the “gorgeous” Des becoming his daughter-in-law. Also: How does a man named Malachi name his son Drew? These are the things that keep me up at night.