This week on "The Amazing Race," Moscow will kill all of your dreams. You will find sadness and despair. You won't get engaged, you won't get invited to go clubbing, you won't be able to wear a bow tie in a swimming pool, it's just dreary.
Cold and gray, like Seattle, but it's Moscow, people. The capital of hopelessness. Don't forget your passport.
Before we dive into all that, though, remember last week when the Twins picked up Rock On's money and kept it? Phil Keoghan was getting all sorts of flak on Twitter for not mentioning it during their Pit Stop interview. He said that they shoot 12 episodes in 21 days, the crew is spread out thousands of miles in many countries, so it's not always easy for him to get all the information for mat interviews.
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"I absolutely call teams out about their behavior when I have all the information," he said. Don't hate on Phil, okay?
As I mentioned before, the teams travel to Moscow. Did you know that Russia is the largest country in the world? And that Moscow has more millionaires and billionaires in it than any city in the world? Not your first thought when you think of Russia, is it?
Before leaving, we see an interview with Trey and Lexi, who are having a great time. Lexi says their relationship is better than ever, "Hopefully there'll be a ring on my finger pretty soon, but that's his call." Trey doesn't make that call right then.
Teams head to the airport. Twins and Texi stick together, and Boyfriend Ryan thinks they're babies for waiting for each other rather than finding their own way. The Twins think Abbie has crazy eyes. Status quo so far.
Worth the risk?
The teams find three different flight options. Chippendales and Rock On choose a flight that arrives at 2 a.m. Twins and Texi choose one that arrives at 4 a.m. I don't think they were told about the earlier flight.
The third option also arrives at 2, but it only has a one-hour layover in Frankfurt. Dominate chooses it, saying it's worth the risk. Goat Farmers can't decide, so they actually flip a coin. They end up traveling with Dominate.
That third flight out of Istanbul (not Constantinople)? It's delayed an hour. Goat Farmers and Dominate arrive in Frankfurt with only three minutes to catch their connection. It doesn't happen. They're stranded until the morning, and the next flight won't arrive until 3:10 p.m., half a day behind the other teams.
Where else is it cold and rainy?
Moscow is the coldest place the teams have been to so far. The twins interview interchangeably, "This is so Russia, dreary and dark. It's like Seattle. But it's Moscow." I personally live north of Seattle, and today was a cold and rainy day. It totally felt like Moscow.
Be good or Olga will shush you
One of the Detour options is called Alphabetized. They visit the library, which is huge. They get a list of books, and that list is written in Cyrillic, which is an alphabet very different from ours. Then they have to go to miles and miles of handwritten card catalogs to look up four books. Finally, they travel to by horse and pony cart to the secret dungeon of the library to pull the books off the shelves. When they present the books to Olga, the head librarian, she will give them their next clue.
Texi and Rock On choose this Detour. Team Texi are operating on fairy dust this leg, maybe because they're so in love. They actually figure out the system, kind of, and complete the task.
Rock On gives up and chooses the other Detour.
Be good or Coach will yell at you
The other Detour is called Synchronized. They go to a pool where the next generation of gold medal synchronized swimmers practice. They have to learn and perform a routine to the satisfaction of the coach.
By the way, Phil tried synchronized swimming back in the '90s for a show in New Zealand. "I performed like a brick," he said. But I bet he looked good doing it.