'Mad Men' recap: 'The Crash'

To Betty, everyone else is living in sin in the city. She, on the other hand, has a successful husband who’s running for senate. Of course, Betty. Make everyone else’s accomplishments your own.

I’m probably in the minority saying this, but I’m glad Matthew Weiner didn’t kill her off. I forgot how much fun it is hating her. It’s my job!


BEST ROGER ONE-LINER: “Your face looks like a bag of walnuts.” It wasn’t his best snarky insult ever, but it’s certainly more chipper than the “You get used to it,” line to Stan about Gleason’s death.

BEST WORK DISTRACTION: Ken’s tap dance. This is my favorite scene of the season, thus far. The only thing that could beat this is Pete and Ted punching the crap out of each other. I don’t care if Peggy likes Ted, I still don’t like him. I was actually rooting for Stan this whole time. I just wish he didn’t make a pass under such sleazy circumstances. Speaking of…

SLEAZIEST PICK-UP LINES (TIED): “You don’t know how much I need this,” and “You have a great ass.” Stan to Peggy on both occasions. That whole conversation was out of a sexual harassment PSA. And she didn’t have to take it. He settled for Wendy, who also settled for him after Don rejected her to focus on winning back Sylvia.

CHEESIEST PICK-UP LINE: “It’s broken.” Wendy to Don as she puts the stethoscope up to his heart. At first, we think it’s his heart (no brainer there), but she actually means the stethoscope.

BEST AD PITCH: “Four score and seven years ago, this country has memorable happenings.” It’s actually quite corny. I don’t know why, but I want to see that on a billboard right now. I’ll settle for an Internet banner.

MOST RELUCTANT SNAPS: Pete calls the copywriter out for being “in poor taste” when he seems pleased that Gleason has passed away. Why do you have to be sometimes likeable, Pete?

WORST DRINKING GAME: Chucking exacto knives at an drawing of an apple above Stan’s head. Couldn’t a game of beer pong suffice?

CREEP OF THE WEEK: Last week that went to Don with his "Fifty Shades of Gray"-level of sketchiness. And while it’s tough to beat Don’s stalker status, this week’s goes to Cutler. Gleason just died and he brought said partner’s daughter to the office to watch out for her. In his book, that also means watching her have sex with Stan. Dude, ew.

MOST ATTENTIVE EMPLOYEE: Dawn. She checked in on Don after he hurled his phone into his liquor cart, asked him if he needed water when coughing up a lung, checked in after his two-and-a-half-hour nap and even offered to clean up the mess. I’ll give her a break for not being at her desk on Saturday or Sunday, because in all likelihood Don sent her home during one of his time lapses.

MOST LEFT-OUT EMPLOYEE: Ginsberg. He’s not churning 666 (how portentous) ideas like Stan and his ad archives expedition was reassigned to Peggy. Rather inconsequential, but it’s enough to have him pouting and feeling incompetent. Poor Ginsy. Where’s Brown-Noser Extraordinaire Bob Benson when you need him?

BEST MEMORIAL DAY BEACH READ: "Sterling’s Gold: Wit and Wisdom of an Ad Man" the real-life book Roger was stashing in his suitcase in ‘For Immediate Release.’ Not an actual biography as featured in the show, but a light read filled with all of Roger’s best one-liners. Because, really, are you going to pull a Don and read Dante’s ‘Inferno’ on the sand? No, it’s Ocean City. Enjoy yourself.