'Dancing With the Stars All-Stars'

The all-star cast along with their professional partners returned to the ballroom on the season premiere of "Dancing with the Stars: All-Stars." (ABC)

Tom tells us this is the "best of the best" coming back -- if that were true we wouldn't have anybody that finished lower than first or second on here. Hmph.

Staircase introductions -- first impressions -- Sabrina Bryan has what Tom & Lorenzo refer to as "babyheads" coming out of the top of her costume.  And Tristan either has really weird chest hair growth patterns or ticked off his waxer.

Tom tells us 11 of these dancers have made the finals -- so who are the also-rans also being allowed to compete? Pamela Anderson and Sabrina Bryan, that's who.

Joey Fatone & Kym Johnson


hese guys were partners before and they now have matching velour track suits and Joey gets a handful of her tush at their first meeting. In rehearsals, he makes fun of his last name asking Kym if she's ready for "The Fat One" to jump over him. I do kind of like how Joey totally throws himself right into the cheesiness of it all -- high heel dancing shoes and sequin jacket and goofy faces. Joey is breathless, it takes a while for the stars to get their cardio back up.

Len and Tom talk about the changing to scores -- they now can give "half" scores and Tom jokes that the people who sell them paddles were happy about that. I hate to tell them that since they always seem to score everybody over a 5, they could avoid using "halfs" by using ALL THE NUMBERS THEY ALREADY HAVE. Math! It's not that hard!

Scores: Carrie Ann: 6.5; Len: 7; Bruno: 7.

Carrie Ann gripes about Tom cutting her off.

Shawn Johnson & Derek Hough


Personally, Shawn I think you've traded up going from Mark to Derek. (There are lovely people out there that are Mark fans. I am not one of them.) That was a good dance technically, but not knowing that song, I wasn't really drawn in. Carrie calls this "American Smooth" which is a different kind of foxtrot, maybe? Len's already being odd man out, saying that it didn't feel like a foxtrot. Surprise, surprise -- I agree with him.

The interview with Brooke actually reveals some useful information: Shawn's got a dodgy knee.

Scores: Carrie Ann: 8; Len: 6.5; Bruno: 7.5.

Sabrina Bryan & Louis van Amstel


Sabrina was voted in as the 13th contestant. And we hear all over again how "shocking" her elimination was. I do love me some Louis, though, so I hope they go far. There's a nice crowd roar as they start. This routine is a strong start for her, I'd say. Carrie Ann says Sabrina is "On fire!" but cautions that she "overdanced" it. Len wanted as much finesse as impact.

Scores: Carrie Ann: 7.5; Len: 7.5; Bruno: 7.5

Helio Castroneves & Chelsie Hightower