By Amy Watts
For The Baltimore Sun
8:19 AM EDT, May 1, 2013
The results show opens with Witney and four of the male troupe members doing a Latin number. This is a tremendous showcase for her. And you better believe the camera, and camera man, are loving her.
Brooke has a dress that looks like her left bosom is covered by a spill-proof bib. It’s part of the overall color blocking of the dress, but it’s unfortunate nonetheless.
Highlight clip package from last night with no new footage of note. Just go read my recap if you missed last night. It’s more informative and even has some attempts at jokes.
Michael Buble is on hand to perform, while several of the female pro and troupe dances slink around him in blue dresses. They’re joined by male partners in tuxedos, and this is exactly the kind of old fogey ballroom dancing I want to see on this show. I’m not even being sarcastic.
The encore dance is Aly & Mark’s salsa. At least he’s lowering his Metcalfe Number for those neon green spats. (My mathematician friend, whose surname is Metcalfe, decided the cost-per-wear number should be called after her. You want it to be as low as possible. Except for your wedding dress -- it’s not applicable there.)
When Zendaya finishes her routine last night, Jacoby turns to the camera and says, “She is a BEAST.” As Jacoby is waiting to start his routine his mom yells from the crowd, “Shake what your mama gave ya.” In an interview, Jacoby admits HE’S scared of his mama.
Zendaya & Val are safe. Jacoby & Karina are in jeopardy! NO! What!?! How did that happen? His mama is going to go apenuts.
After Bruno lost his paddle for a moment, Len says, “I wish you’d lose your tongue sometimes.” He teases because he loves. Aly liked all her shimmying. Shimmy away, gal.
Aly & Mark are safe. Ingo & Kym are in jeopardy.
Tawanda Jones was born and raised in Camden, New Jersey. The police chief interviews that their per capita murder rate is worse than Honduras, which is one of the least safe countries in the world. Yikes. The Camden Tourism Board just drank bleach en masse.
Jones has created an outreach program to get kids involved in dancing as a way to give them a sense of self-worth. The kids they’re interviewing have certainly bought into the program.
The Camden Sophisticated Sisters are in the ballroom to dance to Beyonce. And you know what, it’s not earth-shattering dance, but it’s great fun because these girls are clearly so happy and so proud to be dancing for this audience. I want to give a RuPaul-style “Snaps up” to all these young women. Brooke and Tom tell Jones that they’re going to get her the mirrors their practice space lacks. Well done, show.
And then Tom Bergeron does something that turns my cold black heart into a glowing orange lava flow of joy. He hands over the microphone to the smallest girl and has her read his next bit on the teleprompter. And she’s GREAT! Hire her! I’d rather see her in cute dresses every week than Brooke.
Apparently during rehearsal this week, Ingo, Kym, Jacoby, and Karina were all in the same studio at some point. Ingo “went long” and when Jacoby tossed the football at him, well, not only is it obvious he’s not a quarterback, he also hit Kym on the head. But afterwards, he went over and kissed her head to make it better. I’d take that trade.
Adrianne Haslet-Davis (her name according the Boston Herald, even though DWTS is only identifying her as “Haslet”) is a professional ballroom dancer and instructor, having been a dancer all her life. In a voiceover, she tells us she can’t say how much she loves dancing. She and her husband, recently returned from Afghanistan, were watching the Boston marathon when one of the bombs went off about four feet away from them. She hit the ground and at first didn’t feel any hurt, but then realized that she couldn’t feel her leg. Her mom had to tell her when she came out of surgery that she’d lost her left foot. She says this has been the longest she’s gone without dancing in her entire life. She’s wiping away tears as she says this, but she’s holding it together. What a remarkably poised woman. She plants to get a prosthetic, but is not at that point in recovery yet.
Tom says that the show will be following her recovery over the next few months and eventually she will get a chance to perform a routine on the show when the time is right and she’s ready. Brooke is clearly wiping away tears as the camera comes back to her and Tom. Brooke says you can go to the ABC website for more information on how to donate to victims of the Boston marathon bombings. I give Brooke a hard time, but she handled the tears like a pro there.
Allison Holker and Stephen “Twitch” Boss are there to perform to Lindsey Stirling, who is apparently an “internet sensation.” Both Allison and Twitch are standout stars from the Fox series “So You Think You Can Dance.” The music is an odd blend of violin, drums, and electronica with a little dubstep thrown in. The dancing is an interesting combination of Allison’s lyrical contemporary style and Twitch’s hip hop style. And man, this violinist is dancing all over the ballroom floor as she plays. That’s cool, too.
For reasons I don’t understand, the female dancers are straddling plastic IKEA chairs while wearing giant white afro wigs. I once saw a drag queen who was over 6’ tall flat-flooted and performed wearing a giant white afro wig like these while on roller skates. Her stage name was, of course, “Mighty Afro Whitey.” All this is to say, this routine is giving me weird drag associations. Have we ever had a drag queen on “Dancing with the Stars”? Not counting Wynonna Judd earlier this season, I mean.
Sean & Peta are safe. Andy & Sharna are in jeopardy.
Jacoby & Karina are revealed as safe. I wonder if they really were that far down the leader board or if they liked the drama of putting Jacoby in jeopardy.
Andy & Sharna are eliminated, which is not unexpected. They cut to his daughter (and her brother? friend?) who are both shaking their heads “no” in a very funny way. Andy’s crying his way through his farewell. I have to say, Andy not sober wasn’t a very likeable human being. But Andy sober seems like a sweet and funny guy. I hope the sobriety sticks for him.
Meanwhile, can we talk about how Ingo apparently has less fan support than Sean? Are there really that many more people invested in a dopey reality TV star than a guy that’s been a soap star/sex symbol for nearly 20 years? AMERICA, YOU DISAPPOINT ME.
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