'Dancing With the Stars'

During their rehearsal last week for the group dance, Shawn was goofing around with Serena and hurt her knee. Uh-oh. (ABC / October 30, 2012)

It's "Country Night," which is not my thing at all. If I know more than one of the songs tonight I'll be impressed with myself. I gave up on country music right around 1984.

The night starts with a group dance by the troupe to a live performance by Little Big Town of that pontoon song. Pontoon is a word that makes me giggle. One of these women clearly took a picture of Glenn Close from "Fatal Attraction" into her hairdresser and said, "Give me this." Bunnies, watch out.

Tom introduces the cast by calling them "Y'all Stars" -- no, Tom, no. Don't make me not love you. As they pan across the couples gathered on the dance floor, Gilles and Peta stick out like a sore thumb because of their costumes; Gilles is in a sheer shirt with a v-neck that's closer to his navel than his collarbone and Peta is in a top hat and satin jacket -- not at all country.

So, our scores from last week that are carrying over to tonight:

Sabrina & Louis:  58.5

Gilles & Peta: 56.5

Melissa & Tony: 56.5

Shawn & Derek: 56.5

Apolo & Karina: 56.5

Emmitt & Cheryl: 56

Kirstie & Maks: 52.5

Kelly & Val: 51.5

Gilles Marini & Peta Murgatroyd

Ok, the costumes I mentioned earlier make more sense when it's revealed they're dancing to Shania Twain's "Man, I Feel Like a Woman." This is what happened to country in the '90s, y'all.

Gilles points out that Peta was born in New Zealand and he was born in France, and this might prove problematic for country week. Peta asks him if he can play a cowboy and he replies, "If I don't open my mouth."

Len likes his "attack" even though he had "loose legs." Bruno says he has no idea what country that was, but all is forgiven because of the vinyl pants. I love how Bruno has given up all objectivity with respect to Gilles and is just a googly mess.

Carrie Ann thanks Gilles for helping her to her feet when she fell out of her chair last week. She liked the dance a lot but wants to give him "constructive criticism" about his hands. She's trying to describe it when Gilles acknowledges his "T-Rex hands" which is the perfect description.

Gilles gives his shoutout to the East Coast and those dealing with the storm, acknowledging that he hopes they can entertain them during this scary time. See, that's a thing I like about Gilles: he knows exactly the level of importance to assign to a celebrity dancing show.

Scores: Carrie Ann: 9; Len: 9; Bruno: 9.5

I think that extra half point from Bruno was for the pants.