'Amazing Race'

The Chippendales must raise 30 Euros by performing on the streets of Holland. No problemo. (CBS / November 26, 2012)

This week on "The Amazing Race," we say farewell to the curious passport-stealing cab drivers of Russia, and we say do svidaniya to the Swim Coach of Frustration and the Professor (of Love). Time to go to someplace with a red, white, and blue flag. No, the other place.

The Chipps depart first at 7:32 p.m., and it is still daylight. This is only notable to me because at my house it's dark by 5:00. Yay, winter. 

So Chippendale Jaymes gets a backstory interview: He says his dad is dealing with cancer, and he wants to win so he can help his dad with medical expenses. If you've ever watched this show before, you know that any extra time devoted to a sad story like that means elimination, and I am worried.

I know we were promised shirtless Chippendales, so if they take their shirts off in this episode I'm just going to stop loving them so I won't cry when they leave.

Paris? Amsterdam?

The clue at the start of the leg is a flag with a red, a white, and a blue stripe. Who thought it was France? Me too. As he heads for a cab, Jaymes shouts, "We comin'! I don't know where we goin' but we comin'!" They look up the flag on a computer and learn that it is The Netherlands.

Texi leaves 15 minutes later, and their cab driver tells them the flag is France. They're all excited for France, then they get to the airport and the Chipps tell them that it's Holland. "Thank God y'all saw us," says Jaymes as he takes them under his wing once again.

The Twins assume the flag is France but then look it up and discover they're wrong.

Boyfriend Ryan thinks it's France, but Abbie says no, so he guesses The Netherlands next. He's so smart, my nerdy boyfriend.

Even smarter are the Goat Farmers, who recognize the flag right away. I wish knowledge of the flag was a determining factor in the Race results, but it is not. Spoiler alert.

Frankfurt airport, man. Why did it have to be Frankfurt?

There are way too many options to get the heck out of Moscow. Every team chooses a different flight.

The Twins talk their way onto a flight that arrives first, even though there's an hour layover and the ticket agent doesn't want to sell them the tickets because she thinks they need more than an hour. But the Twins plead and promise not to hate the ticket agent if they miss their connection, so they get the ticket. They make the connection and arrive first.

The Chipps get a direct flight that arrives 45 minutes later. Texi was standing in line with them, but when the agent said there weren't enough seats, they graciously stepped aside. As they should have, so I don't know why I'm so surprised when teams show common courtesy.

Texi gets a two-leg journey that arrives 50 minutes after the Chipps.

All of those flights leave the following morning, so Dominate has a chance to catch up. They leave the Pit Stop 10 hours after the first team, but they still have decent flight options available. 


Those flight options have layovers in Frankfurt. Dun dun duuuunh!!! Do you know why I made that sound so scary? Frankfurt is where they missed their connection two legs ago, where they spent the night, and teamed up with the Goat Farmers. Frankfurt is the reason they started out 10 hours behind the lead team. Abbie does not want to go through there ever again, but it's the fastest option. To be safe, they book two different connecting flights. Good thinking.

Cut to Frankfurt airport. They are denied entrance on the first plane because they weren't properly checked in on time. They take a shuttle bus across the airport and board the next plane. The Frankfurt Voice of Doom comes on the speaker and says that they're having mechanical difficulties.

They wait, and then learn that the de-icer can't be repaired and they have to switch planes. Needless to say, Abbie and Boyfriend Ryan are even more over Frankfurt, and they make some Frankly awful puns about how much it sucks.