'Amazing Race' finale

Team Goat Farmers study the map to victory. (CBS / December 10, 2012)

Previously on "The Amazing Race," there were 11 teams. Some of them were really awesome, and some were not. Phil Keoghan eliminated a lot of them, and now the lucky remaining few are in Spain. It all ends tonight, you know, so I hope you have some comfort food around.

You can't blame them for coasting when you cleared away their obstacles

At the start of the leg, all the teams give pep talks about why they deserve to be in the top three. The Twins single out the Goat Farmers, accusing them of coasting through, taking the spot of a more deserving team.

The Twins say a lot of crap, but that's right up there with the most non-sensical. They blame the Beekmans for still being on the Race after plotting to eliminate the team in front of them? I'm tired of the Twins.

It's like high school, but on a train

All the teams fly to Barcelona and then take a train into France. Texi, the Twins, and the Chipps have an alliance, mainly because they've been alone at the top for several legs. They have a little meeting on the train about getting rid of the Beekmans, only to realize that the Beekmans are right there! Behind the small, not-at-all-soundproof seat divider! Awkward silence follows, and the Chipps invite the Beekmans to join the group. Josh and Brent are not feeling real good about their odds right about now.

The part of The Amazing Race that is amazing but not a race

In France, the teams have to drive themselves to a castle with a huge ornamental garden. First they meet the product placement car, and James says that he would love to win the leg and maybe win a car for his mom, who doesn't have one. Motivation? Foreshadowing?

The Alliance huddles around a map and then makes a caravan with Texi in the lead. What do the outsider Goat Farmers do? They wait and follow the group. It's a safe strategy, but it's also cool, because the Twins are freaking out in their car, yelling at the forward cars to lose the Beekmans. But they're on slow streets, and it's not like three cars can play Follow the Leader and yet somehow lose a fourth car. I think the Twin Panic Level is Heightened.

Guess who speaks French?

They arrive as a pack and run around looking for a statue of a dog. Three teams corner a gardener and woof at him, hoping to bridge the language barrier. Then Josh comes up and asks, "La chien?" Oh, the expressions on the faces as the other teams realize that the Goat Farmers have an advantage. 

They run through the grounds, then, mock insulting each other. Jaymes says, "I thought Josh was hurt, apparently he got a bionic ankle now," since Josh is in no way limping.

Speaking French doesn't help the Beekmans navigate, unfortunately. The Twins are held back at the castle by a Speed Bump, so the Goat Farmers step in to take their place (Twins: "Lose them!"). Now Josh is leading the caravan, but he gets lost, and at a gas station Texi takes over the lead position as they head to the Detour.

No one says "My ox is broken!"

At this point in the Race, some teams are usually on their last nerve, stressing and screaming and making stupid mistakes. Maybe it's the longstanding alliance, maybe it's just good people, but none of these teams have that problem. 

One Detour option is to work with a horse and an old plow and till four furrows in a muddy field. If you saw large animals and muddy fields and immediately thought of Colin in Season 5, maybe, well then we should be friends. Colin was a hothead, and he had to steer an ox through a rice paddy, and his ox wasn't obeying all the yelling. Colin screamed to his partner, "My ox is broken!" and it was the best moment of the whole season.

Anyway, these are horses, and Trey and Lexi know horses. Trey has a little trouble keeping the plow straight, but Lexi just coos to the horse and smiles and they finish with no problems.

The Chippendales have some parking problems so they get to Plow in second, but they don't have any problems, either. Which was a relief, because I do not need a Ja(y)mes to lose it over a horse.

Arguing with knives