The blog for people who don’t have all day to read blogs:
As an investor in “Dallas Buyers Club,’’ not to mention a cameo as a bartender, Adam Dunn might leave spring training for Sunday’s Academy Awards in Los Angeles. For those of you keeping score at home, Dunn would get to the Oscars before he got to the playoffs.
The problem isn’t that Dunn would leave White Sox spring training, it’s that he’s threatening to return.
But the smart play is to go to the Oscars because it’s a road game and he won’t get booed.
Did the Cubs sell a lot of tickets the last week after fanboy owner Tom Ricketts declared they have the team right now that can make the playoffs? Or did Cubs fans realize he was playing them for stupid again?
Jeff Samardzija will start the Cubs' exhibition opener Thursday because it’s never too early to audition for trade partners.
Scouting tip: If Samardzija is your best pitcher, Tom, you’re not a playoff team.
But still, it appears that Theo Epstein will instruct Rich Renteria to hand the ball to Samardzija for opening day.
Breaking: Ricketts believes the Cubs have a team that can put a man on the sun.
The Lehigh Valley Iron Pigs minor league team will wear caps that have a rasher of bacon across the front. It’s all over if they ever make that cap scratch-and-sniff.
Baseball’s new rules about collisions at the plate sound sensible enough. Enforcement will be the issue, as such things have been in other sports. Players will adjust if umpires call it strictly early in the season and remain consistent, but my worry is umpires’ refusing to call it in the playoffs because they don’t want to decide the game when in fact not calling it does decide things.
If Florida State defensive tackle Timmy Jernigan is available at No. 14, NFL analyst Mike Mayock said the Bears should “sprint to the podium,’’ which might be more than Jernigan would be able to do against Aaron Rodgers’ hurry-up offense.
The NFL trend is toward bigger cornerbacks. Except for the Bears. One of Our Bears Beat Dudes, Rich Campbell, reported that Emery just wants corners who can play. Raise your hand if you believe the man who brought you Shea McClellin as a defensive end and Brandon Hardin as a safety can actually identify them.
Eddie Olczyk wants to return to coaching in an NHL that kills coaches. Some people will do anything to get away from Pierre McGuire.
Patrick Kane has scored four goals total since he was named to Team USA on New Year’s Day, including zero for Team USA. Kane wasn’t the sole reason the U.S. failed against Canada and quit against Finland, but the best American player has to score and he knows it.
In his last seven NHL games, however, Kane has four goals. That’s what matters. That and not skating on a line with Michal Handzus.
Handzus has won more than half of his faceoffs in only three of his last 12 games. I guess he has a lower dot injury.
Potential free agent Carmelo Anthony said he’s willing to take “a pay cut’’ to re-sign with the Knicks if he believes owner James Dolan will reload instead of rebuild, and I’m wondering, do the Bulls want a guy dumb enough to follow an owner who believed Isiah Thomas was the answer?
Here’s the deal: The only players Anthony makes better are those he leaves.
The United States’ failure to win the Olympic medal count means one thing: We have to get better at inventing more cockamamie sports.
Extreme cockamamie sports, I mean. Curling already exists.
American halfpipe skiing gold medalist David Wise: “I rotate through superstitions every year. This year it was my American flag boxers.”