The Rancho Palos Verdes residents were elated when the U.S. Supreme Court struck down part of the Defense of Marriage Act in June. But the couple, who married in 2008, worried that the ruling raised questions about everything they had done to protect their family's financial future.
"There was no structure for gay and married people to be recognized as married in the eyes of most states and in the eyes of the federal government," Frey said.
Vogel added, "We had to have separate trusts made, so that we were all protected," ensuring that if one partner died, the other would inherit without paying estate taxes.
Now, "our world has turned with the repeal of DOMA and we need advice," Frey said. "There are so many questions we need to have answered."
Same-sex couples across the U.S. have similar concerns, and financial planners and institutions are rushing to make sure their agents have the training they need to offer the right advice.
Some things are known. Assets can be transferred between Frey and Vogel without a tax penalty. Vogel's health benefits, on Frey's policy, will no longer be taxed. Vogel will also qualify for bigger Social Security spousal benefits based on Frey's larger cumulative salary history.
Other important matters are still unclear. Among them: Will same-sex couples receive equal tax and Social Security benefits in all 50 states — or only in California and the 12 other states where such marriages are recognized? The IRS also hasn't ruled on income tax filing requirements. Until then, financial planners and accountants are having to make their best guesses about taxes.
"Mark and Doug have been filing as head of household and single, and I don't think they are going to have that choice anymore," said Carol A. Somoano, a fee-only certified financial planner who reviewed the couple's situation.
"I think they are going to have to file jointly. The IRS has not made this clear yet."
Frey and Vogel are also examples of the kind of family that Somoano finds increasingly common these days. Frey and Vogel are part of the so-called sandwich generation; they are the older parents of young children. Frey is 60, Vogel is 52, and daughters Hannah Ross and Rebecca are 10 and 8, respectively. That means the two dads will be preparing for the college educations for both children at the same time that they may be adding Vogel's parents to their household.
The latter could involve an expensive home remodeling project to make room for Vogel's father and mother.
"Their eldest daughter will be entering college when Mark is 68 and Doug is 60," said Somoano, who works at Asset Planning Inc. in Cypress.
"While they will have some money saved for college," Somoano said, "it won't be enough, and I do not want them invading their retirement assets to pay for college. The big question is, are they going to be able to retire?"
In that respect, Frey and Vogel really aren't very different from other parents their age.
"We're just like everybody else," Frey said. "At the end of the day, when people meet us, they don't think of us as 'the gay couple.' Our families are very important to us and we want the best for them."
The good news is that Frey and Vogel are expected to make about $240,000 this year, with most of it coming from Frey's salary and bonus from his work for a major California health insurer.
Their total net worth approaches $2.2 million. Most of that is in IRA and other kinds of retirement accounts. Another big chunk is the $490,000 they have in the equity in their home. Frey and Vogel also have more than $200,000 in an annuity and savings accounts.
Frey can also expect an increasingly rare perk: a pension. But he switched jobs recently, leaving him only a few years to build up the size of his pension.
Ideally, Frey would like to transition to a lighter work situation when he turns 66.